Found: Production Stills from the *other* Barsoom movie..

God bless the internetz.. here’s some production stills from the John Carter knockoff movie coming up from “The Asylum”, the film studio that brought us Mega-Shark versus the Giant Squid.

Tharks:

Only two arms, not very greenish, and the eyes and jaws are far too humanoid:

A Thark!? Really???

John Carter,as portrayed by Antonio Sabato?? An actor who has done a lot of TV work.  Brooding, hunky and pouty.  Nice tatoo, there, dude.. you’re supposed to hail from the Virginia of the American Civil War.  Maybe this John Carter was a sailor.

John Carter? Seriously?

And of course, the much-discussed.. Dejah Thoris, as portrayed by 80s porn actress, Traci Lords:

Hey, Dejah Thoris has jowls!

Well, he looks kinda like a red martian here..

No, wait, that's the firelight.. sorry

Based on the rather modern arabic headress and jacket on JC here, I predict they are going to do something profoundly stupid and have Carter hail from our modern time, perhaps as a troubled Iraqi war veteran who stumbles on the way to Barsoom.  Anyone want to place a bet on it?

JC discovers Black martians

Here we have the three major characters doing a size comparison.. yes, they skimped on Tharks big time.

Tars Tarkas, Dejah Thoris and John Carter

And we leave you with a full length body shot of our sexy and determined heroine…

That's some yummy Helium wench there...

"This? Oh, it's nothing. I faced more dire peril in a Peter North money shot than these so-called Tharks."

What can I say?  It’s impossible to find words sometimes.  In this case a few pictures are worth a thousand of ’em.