Tag Archives: Funny

The Blind Goose-Killer of URK (by F. Key)


Say, I haven’t done something like this in a while. Here’s a reading of Frank Key’s THE BLIND GOOSE KILLER OF URK, a fun little travelogue with a fun ending. Sorry about the peaks and levels, it’s a little raspy in places.

This recording is posted here https://misternizz.podbean.com/e/the-blind-goose-killer-of-urk/  or can be played directly below from Soundcloud

 

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New Viking Looter Cards


I’m going to run VIKING LOOTERS (the old Viking Raiding game by JIm Birdseye) at game camp next week.  Much of the game’s action is handled through the cards.  The file that I received from Brian Whitaker was great but not formatted for standard business card sized cards– I kept losing alignment during printing.  So to remedy this I recently reformatted the card deck to use a standard business card template originating from Avery.  This is their “Graduation announcement” template which should fit most business cards blanks, including 5571.  I’m very pleased with how these came out.  If you have a use for this kind of game, here are the rules and the cards (the important part).  Cards are in PDF and Word.  Rules are in Word.

Microsoft Word link
Adobe PDF link

Rules

(the last sheet is blank in both PDF and Word so you can write some of your own)

I think the end result is worth the effort.

This is a fun time and plays well with younger folks.   The rules aren’t much, maybe a page and a half at most.  The big laughs come with how you handle it as a referee. Enjoy!

The more things change, the more they stay the same


Back in 2015…

Approximately a year ago, I was driving through West Virginia, when I chanced upon a diner with an old fashioned look to it. In my experience, that’s the kind of place to visit when you are on the road. I stopped in, had a great breakfast, and noticed a cute sign on the wall just opposite me. It said “Faith / Family / Friends” in gold pen, on a block of wood that rested on a little shelf on the wall. It appeared to me like it was designed to rotate:

From one year ago, table under the sign. I won’t name the diner.

“cute”, I reasoned. “But shouldn’t there be a reverse side, with reverse sentiments?

Pondering the Yin and Yang of evil, over coffee, a year ago.

What is the reverse of “Faith / Family / Friends”?

Fortunately, and oddly enough, I had a silver pen marker in my pocket, a year ago, so I executed an opposite side.

It came out very well indeed.

I was pleased with my opposite side, but the rest of the patrons hardly noticed the switch.


It’s 2016, though…

Almost a year later, I’m driving through again. Same place, same table. I look up.. no, someone HAD indeed recognized the incongruity about the paean to Satan and Hobos on the wall of a wholesome diner.

Of course, someone “fixed” it.

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Except…

Are they TRULY back to normal? The back side wasn’t erased, painted over or drawn through. Almost as if the cafe owner was acknowledging life has a dark side along with the light.

There. Lurking on the dark side of the cube was SATAN / HOBOS again. When nobody was watching, I flipped it back, paid for breakfast and went my wary way…

Image

“Oh Magic 8 Ball…”


I think I would have liked General D.H. Hill, CSA


D.H. Hill,  Math Professor and Sardonic Genius (from Wikipedia)

I have not read much, if anything specific, about Confederate General Daniel Harvey Hill (also known as D.H. Hill to de-conflict him with his relative Ambrose Powell (A.P.) Hill).  Having opportunity to review the events of his life and his commentary of involvement in the American Civil War, I am now intrigued enough to seek out his biography.

D.H. Hill grew up in South Carolina, attended the U.S. Military Academy graduating in 1842 among a raft of future Civil War generals.  His Mexican War service was impressive, being twice brevetted (to the rank of Major) for actions on the field of battle.   After the Mexican War, Major Hill resigned his commission and became a professor of Mathematics for the college that would become Washington and Lee university (eventually).  It’s during this period of his life that we get an idea of the personality of D.H. Hill– a character trait that would get him in hot water with his future Confederate bosses.   D.H. Hill had a sense of humor a gentle person might characterize as “sardonic”.  In modern terms, he comes off as a bit of a smart ass.   An inveterate proponent of Southern Culture, he held the Northern states in great disdain.  His text book on Algebra, Elements of Algebra,  widely read in the South before the war, is incredibly jingoistic by modern standards.  He certainly wasn’t ashamed at the notion of geographical bias.

Note the difference between NORTHERN examples and SOUTHERN examples in the following problems, taken directly from the text book:


Seriously, you have to admire a fellow who can effortlessly insert the term “bedlamites” into an Algebra problem.  That takes a deft hand.

When the American Civil War started, it was a given that Hill would return to the colors, this time fighting for his beloved South against the so-called Yankee aggressors.   Hill performed very well at the outset of the war, fighting at the outset as a Colonel of volunteers and later as a Major General during the Peninsular Battles.   It’s clear that Hill was a quarrelsome and difficult subordinate, when you read between the lines.  General Lee was never one to air his grievances about a subordinate,  but certain facts speak for themselves. Hill was a gifted, passionate and aggressive commander who contributed to Southern success in the Seven Days’ Battles and Antietam campaigns– particularly at South Mountain, where Hill’s division was isolated, fighting off repeated attacks by stronger Union forces and giving Lee time he needed to reorganize and meet the Union assault.   Despite his qualities as a military leader, one gets the opinion that he wasn’t easy to get along with.  Hill did not achieve corps command in the Army of Northern Virginia, and after the Battle of Fredericksburg (where apparently he was in dispute with Lee), he was sent to backwater theaters of the War.  First out West, where he quarreled with Bragg (and earned the enmity of Jefferson Davis), and then to the Carolina command.  Hill’s promotion to higher command was effectively blocked by Davis, and he ended the war fighting to the end, as a divisional commander at the Battle of Bentonville, the last great battle of the war.

Hill was a successful educator and magazine editor after the war, and died in 1889.  I will have to dig in to his life for the details, but the adjectives that keep popping up when reading histories are acerbic, sardonic, and bitter.   Even sneering.  One gets the impression of the classic guy who thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room and won’t be diplomatic about his opinion.  I can see how he must have been an extraordinarily difficult subordinate to manage (for both Lee and Bragg) and I can guess that he must have been an awkward resources to use, even for President Davis.  For all of that, there’s something about Daniel Harvey Hill that seems so modern when you compare his period writings and statements to the more reserved commentary from his fellow officers.  He comes off as the Ambrose Bierce of the Confederate Army.  It’s a senseless exercise to imagine myself in those times, but I think I might have liked D.H. Hill.  He might have been a jerk at times, but he certainly was an individual who didn’t toe the party line.

Hey! It’s 12.12.12:12:12:12


Thats-right-12121212

And here’s the proof! You know what else? It won’t be 12:12:12:12:12:12 again for a hundred years!

Santa’s Trigger Finger, a Reliquary


Santa's Trigger Finger copyright 2008 Al Farrow

Santa’s Trigger Finger, and many other very clever post-modern reliquaries executed by Al Farrow. See his exhibit HERE for a weird frisson of religious ecstasy and psychological weirdness. All the pieces in this exhibit were made from pieces of weapons and ammunition.

Art: “Santa’s Trigger Finger”, copyright 2008 by Al Farrow

Rejected Cartoons


Just so you remember…


Who Knew?


bullet rocket

Soviet Super Soldiers

Must be all that clean living and devotion to the Party.

So a guy walks into a bar…


bullet rocket

Insert Joke Target here…

Replace any other monumentally stupid action for “Voting for Bush” if the reality of term limitations offends you

A guy walks into a bar, and sees that there is a robotic bartender behind the bar. He shrugs and sits down. The robot comes over and says, “Hey, I’m the Autobot, what can I get you to drink, and what’s your IQ?” The guy says, “I’ll have a Jack and coke, and my IQ is 140.” Well, the autobot makes him a perfect drink, and starts talking to him about theology, nano-technology, and even some philosophy. The guy is impressed. He finishes his drink, pays his tab, leaves, and comes right back in.

He sits down at the bar, and the robot comes over and says, “Hey, I’m the Autobot, what can I get you to drink, and what’s your IQ?” The guys says, “I’ll have a screwdriver, and my IQ is 110.” Well, the autobot makes him a perfect drink, and starts talking to him about movies, literature, women, and even some sports. The guy is still impressed. He finishes his drink, pays his tab, leaves, and comes right back in.

He sits down at the bar, and the robot comes over and says, “Hey, I’m the Autobot, what can I get you to drink, and what’s your IQ?” The guys says, “I’ll have a Miller Lite, and my IQ is 70.” The robot poors him a perfect beer, and then comes over to the guy and says REAL SLOW… “So you gonna vote for Bush again?”