Complaint Generators


This is an oldie but a goodie.. I’ve seen a version of this code from the old VAX days. Pakin’s Complaint Generator This is my test using HOTSPUR as an individual that the computer has a grudge against:

My Complaint against Mr. Hotspur Nizz

Everybody lock your doors, get a gun, protect yourself! Mr. Hotspur Nizz is planning to treat traditional values as if they were ghastly crimes! Here’s my side of the story: He has figuratively enclosed himself in a secure elitist ghetto. That’s self-evident, and even Hotspur would probably agree with me on that. Even so, he dreams of a time when he’ll be free to distort and trivialize the debate surrounding snobbism. That’s the way he’s planned it, and that’s the way it’ll happen — not may happen, but will happen — if we don’t interfere, if we don’t appeal for comity between us and him. When I was a child, my clergyman told me, “Hotspur has a vested interest in making me go crazy.” If you think about it, you’ll see his point. When people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they’re right. And Hotspur is to blame. What he apparently fails to realize is that the law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior.

Viewing all this from a higher vantage point, we can see that Hotspur has stated that obscurity, evasiveness, incomprehensibility, indirectness, and ambiguity are marks of depth and brilliance. That’s just pure Comstockism. Well, in Hotspur’s case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that if a cogent, logical argument entered Hotspur’s brain, no doubt a concussion would result. He maintains a “Big Brother” dossier of incriminating personal information about everyone he distrusts, to use as a potential weapon. Is your name listed in that dossier? Well, I’m sure Hotspur would rather break down the industrial-technological system than answer that particular question. In many ways, no matter what else we do, our first move must be to educate everyone about how he is our worst nightmare. That’s the first step: education. Education alone is not enough, of course. We must also strike at the heart of his efforts to redefine humanity as alienated machines/beasts and then convince everyone that they were never human to begin with.

Look at what’s happened since Hotspur first ordered his surrogates to overthrow western civilization through the destruction of its four pillars — family, nation, religion, and democracy: Views once considered unrealistic are now considered ordinary. Views once considered prissy are now considered perfectly normal. And the most unrestrained of Hotspur’s views are now seen as gospel by legions of hate-filled blackguards. Is it just me, or do other people also think that this theme has been struck before? I ask, because this is not Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia, where the state would be eager to fan the flames of separatism into a planet-spanning inferno. Not yet, at least. But I will let Hotspur’s record speak for itself. At the risk of sounding a tad redundant, let me add that anti-intellectualism is dangerous. Hotspur’s temperamental version of it is doubly so.

Hotspur maintains that all literature which opposes revisionism was forged by insensitive traitors. This is hardly the case. Rather, there is growing evidence that says, to the contrary, that his eccentricity is surpassed only by his vanity. And Hotspur’s vanity is surpassed only by his empty theorizing. (Remember his theory that the moon is made of green cheese?) As I see it, he can’t attack my ideas, so he attacks me. It could be worse, I suppose. Hotspur could intensify race hatred.

Simply put, he is thoroughly mistaken if he believes that he has a duty to conceal the facts and lie to the rest of us, under oath if necessary, perjuring himself to help disseminate the True Faith of particularism. We must understand that the evidence for this lies in the underlying assumptions behind Hotspur’s notions. And we must formulate that understanding into as clear and cogent a message as possible.

To force us to do things or take stands against our will has never been something that I, hardheaded cynic that I am, wanted to do. Never. Let me carry my thoughts on this subject a bit further. If Hotspur bites me, I will bite back. Due to the power relationship between the dominator and the dominated, his Ponzi schemes are not normal. (Actually, his coadjutors always detect profound wisdom in what is most incomprehensible to them personally, but that’s not important now.) Believe it or not, I really want to believe that Hotspur is a decent, honest person. Unfortunately, as is often the case, what I want to believe proves to be fantasy. The truth is that Hotspur can’t possibly believe that his blessing is the equivalent of a papal imprimatur. He’s stupid, but he’s not that stupid.

While the question of who is right and who is wrong in this case is an interesting one, it is also something that I cannot and will not comment on, and not just because he has frequently been spotted making nicey-nice with doctrinaire toughies. Is this because he needs their help to exercise control through indirect coercion or through psychological pressure or manipulation? Let me give you a hint: If he continues to prepare the ground for an ever-more vicious and brutal campaign of terror, I will be obliged to do something about him. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. Documents written by Hotspur’s minions typically include the line, “Hotspur has mystical powers of divination and prophecy”, in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that Hotspur decries or dismisses capitalism, technology, industrialization, and systems of government borne of Enlightenment ideas about the dignity and freedom of human beings. These are the things that he fears, because they are wedded to individual initiative and responsibility.

It may be obvious but should nonetheless be acknowledged that I must part company with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why once you get past the initial crowd-pleasing conclusions, the remaining parts of his platitudes are merely the same illiberal, pompous vision that Hotspur has been espousing for years. My peers believe that I regret not writing this letter sooner. While this is really true, I insist we must add that of all of Hotspur’s exaggerations and incorrect comparisons, one in particular stands out: “People don’t mind having their communities turned into war zones.” I, for one, don’t know where he came up with this, but his statement is dead wrong. Don’t let him delude you into thinking that his theories are all sweetness and light. He’s just trying to allow federally funded research to mushroom into a malicious, grossly inefficient system, hampered by bloody-minded, brainless abusive-types and blathering opportunists. More prosaically, Hotspur’s dupes are unified under a common goal. That goal is to regulate conformism.

I welcome Hotspur’s comments. However, Hotspur needs to realize that he likes to compare his hariolations to those that shaped this nation. The comparison, however, doesn’t hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it’s not even worth summarizing them. I note in passing that time cannot change his behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Hotspur can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, apotheosize what I call disruptive-to-the-core charlatans. He wants to delude and often rob those rendered vulnerable and susceptible to his snares because of poverty, illness, or ignorance. Personally, I don’t want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom, then you should be working with me to put to rest the animosities that have kept various groups of people from enjoying anything other than superficial unity.

No matter what Hotspur thinks, if the people generally are relying on false information sown by incompetent pipsqueaks, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. If you want to hide something from him, you just have to put it in a book. I don’t need to tell you that no one need be surprised if our culture’s personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of Hotspur Nizz. That should be self-evident. What is less evident is that Hotspur wants to get me thrown in jail. He can’t cite a specific statute that I’ve violated, but he does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that Hotspur is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when sinful insecure-types judge people based solely on hearsay. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that ruffianism and Stalinism are identical concepts. And fear of unprofessional lumpenproletariats like Hotspur who turn the trickle of neocolonialism into a tidal wave. Hotspur’s opinions are the opiate of the power-hungry. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that he wallows in his basest behavior? I can give you only my best estimate, made after long and anxious consideration, but I do not pose as an expert in these matters. I can say only that a stockpile of Hotspur Nizz quotes favoring deconstructionism could fill a junkyard. But let’s not lose sight of the larger, more important issue here: his pharisaical, superstitious rantings. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Mr. Hotspur Nizz, Hotspur-inspired versions of paternalism, etc., please tell me, so I can write an even stronger letter next time.